Humble Pie

One of my favorite stories to tell in the last few weeks is one of a big ol' piece of humble pie being served up by my daughter, Lucy.
We were in the kitchen; Lucy, her brother Spencer (3), and I.  Spencer had just gotten a foam dart gun as a gift.  I told him that it was fine for him to play with it inside, just don't shoot at people, which totally planted that seed by the way. Anyway, he pretty much immediately shot Lucy and as I was reprimanding him, he spit at me.  Let me just say, I don't lose it for many reasons, but spitting is an offense that will send me off my rocker.  Now picture me, the mother, yelling (really yelling) at Spencer, the 3 year old, about how disrespectful it is to spit, and on and on and on.  Enter Lucy, 8, "Um, Mommy" Me: "One moment please", Lucy: "Mommy" Me: "For heaven's sake, what is it Lucy?"
Lucy:  "Mommy, self-control is not letting anger take over your soul."  Silence.
 At that moment I felt like a complete jerk.  Yes, I was mad.  Yes, he was wrong. But I lost self-control and that's no good.  It's a fruit of the spirit for goodness sake.  I'm a children's minister.  If anyone should have self-control it's me, right?
As I thought about this for the next few days, I looked at all the ways I needed to check myself in the self-control department. Boy, there were a lot. But honestly, I think with parenting, you're not normal if you don't lose it every now and again.  All parents do, and it's okay. It happens. It gives us opportunities to talk with our kids about losing control, and what to do about it.  Apologizing has never been an easy thing for me.  Unless its to my children.  What Spencer did was pretty bad, but screaming at him wasn't the answer.  So, I apologized to him and we had a much more effective conversation about behavior, spitting included.
 I believe that one of the most important lessons we can teach children is that we were created with flaws.  We all mess up, we all lose control sometimes.  It's what we do about it that matters. How do we embody the "fruits of the spirit?" John Wesley says that "the fruits of the spirit are best demonstrated in the quality of our relationships, not how often we are consciously aware of feeling them."  Trying to live with love, joy, peace, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and last but not least - self-control, the best we can, that's all we can do.  And that's okay.