Hiatus

First, let me say a big thanks to all of you who diligently check in to read my blog even though, well, there hasn't been anything new to read for quite sometime. I appreciate your subtle (and not so subtle) reminders that you are completely bored reading the same 4 posts again and again.  Second, let me explain my little blog-cation.  It is after all, a lesson from Lucy!
In late April, Lucy began regressing a bit in her behavior.  I thought, eh, it's the end of the school year, all kids space out at the end of the school year.  No big deal.  Well, unfortunately the regression continued throughout the summer so I have spent the last couple of months trying to figure out why.    Lucy also developed trichotillomania.  Wow, first dermatomyositis, now trichotillomania - do you think God had a plan when he made me a proficient speller? Trichotillomania is basically obsessive hair twisting or pulling.  Lucy twists her hair until it comes out, so now she has a little bald spot that we cover up every morning with a comb over and pigtails.  She doesn't do it to hurt herself, as a matter of fact, because of her sensory issues, Lucy has an extraordinary threshold for pain.  Anyway, we have been on a little journey over the past few months charting what Lucy eats, what supplements she takes, environmental factors, behavior patterns, etc. Now there is a plan in place, and it seems to have started to make a difference.  All of this charting, researching, reading takes a lot of time.  During this process, I prayed a lot. I wanted to know why this was happening, what to do about it, and what deal I could make with God to make Lucy okay.  Finally, I got to a point of feeling so overwhelmed with life that it was almost unbearable.  Like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff and the slightest change could push me right over the edge.  I know Lucy could sense how I was feeling, and seems to know exactly what I need at all times.  At a particularly low point, she said to me "Mommy,  you're special, God made you that way."  Out of the mouths of babes. How many times have I said how perfect Lucy is exactly the way she is?  I looked back over the past few months.  Searching for the many, many times God was talking to me, and I wasn't listening.  When Lucy began to regress in April, what did I do?  I worked more, because, after all, it was Easter, I had to.  Over the summer, as she got worse, what did I do?  I worked even more, and saw my children less and less each day.  The sitter took them for ice cream, the sitter took them to the pool and helped them learn to swim, the sitter put them to bed at night. But I had to work, right?  After all, there's VBS camp, and Promotion Sunday, and the new special needs ministry to plan, oh and my obligations to other religious organizations to promote lay leaders entering ministry, and on and on and on.  Things I HAD to do, right? I had no choice. It is what it is.  I'm a single parent. It's a tough job. Isn't that right?
Then a few weeks ago, my sitter put in her notice.  My first reaction was to cry.  How would I do this, how would I work and take care of the kids without her help?  Turns out, God had to force me to balance my life.  I didn't listen the first, or second time.  Then, he took my crutch, the sitter.  Okay God, i'm listening, you've got my attention.  I have adjusted my work hours, and still manage to get everything done, I pick my kids up from school, I take them for ice cream, I cook them dinner, and I love it.  We still haven't made it to the pool, but that's okay.  I didn't realize how much I missed them.  Their childhood is fleeting.  I don't want to miss it and I was.  I was on a path that created a very unbalanced life. While it is still a work in progress, a balanced life is a goal within my reach.  There is a time for everything.  I just have to listen to God.  Be aware of where He is guiding me, the path He is creating for me. I must remember that I am special because God made me.  God made me to be Lucy's mother, and he made her to be my daughter.  We belong together and that's pretty special.