George Stephanopoulos

Every morning, without fail, Lucy wakes up at 5:00am to watch the news.  News channel 2 to be exact.  She knows the anchors, the meteorologist, and loves to tell Spencer and I all about current events on our drive to school each day.  Lately, she has started watching a little Good Morning America too.  A few days ago, on our way out the door to school, after filling us in on Hurricane Irene, "you do know that North Carolina was the hardest hit,"  Lucy said "Mommy, I love George Stephanopolous."  I said, "Me too, Lucy!"  It made me chuckle as I recalled that moment throughout my day.  I began to think about Lucy's sheer dedication.  A couple of years ago, when she was in first grade, Lucy won the Bonnie Halprin Award for Perseverance.  This award, presented to one student each year, had never been given to a first grader. I cried like a baby that day, and still do every time I watch the video.  Dedication, perseverance, commitment - all qualities Lucy seems to have effortlessly.

 My day went on, busy at work. Working in a church, I am blessed to have many opportunities to share the highs and lows in people's lives.  A blessing, I was reminded that very day, that can be a burden at times.  Like most blessings, this beautiful gift of sharing in others joys and sorrows, becomes a burden when not handled properly.  When I try and carry it alone.  When I forget that God wants me to turn it all over to Him.  Many times I have reminded someone, "What you need to do is pray.  Turn it over to God, lift it up in prayer. He'll take care of you."  How often do I give advice that I forget to follow myself?  Then again, I thought of Lucy.  I thought of her dedication, her commitment to the things she thinks are important.  If only I could make and keep that commitment to prayer.  An action that is probably the single most important thing in my life.  An action that gives me comfort and peace, that keeps me sane. An action that admittedly, at times, gets relegated to those few minutes at night between the moment my head hits the pillow and I fall asleep.  What if we all made a commitment to prayer?  Not just thought to ourselves "I need to turn this over to God", but actually did it?  Then what if we went a step further and not only turned our burdens over to God in prayer, but actually felt confident that yes, He will take care of them.  Could you feel so confident, knowing that God is in charge, that He has got your back, that you could stop worrying about whatever it is you prayed for in the first place?  That is exactly what we are charged to do as Christians.  God loves us, clearly.  He's there for us.  He's got this. Let it go.  Whatever it is in your life, the thing that you are worried about most right now, lift it up.  Hand it over.  Let God have your back.  Remember we are never alone.  Ever.  Let us all try and have the same commitment as the most awesome third-grader I know.  Surely if she can do it, so can we. 

  John Wesley says this about prayer "God's command to "pray without ceasing" is founded on the necessity we have of his grace to preserve the life of God in the soul, which can no more subsist one moment without it, than the body can without air."  

Wow.  Our soul needs prayer just as our body needs air.  Those who lead a prayerful life, or maybe more often those who don't, know this to be true.  I think prayer is a lot like forgiveness.  More beneficial for the person offering the prayer, than the person for whom the prayer is offered.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of prayer to heal those whom we pray for.  Read one of my earlier posts on the subject.  However, in my experience, it has been so healing for me to lift up the people I know who are in need of prayer so that God can take care of them, and I know that it's not up to me to do it alone. I know I don't have to worry anymore.  Blessing vs. burden.  Prayer makes all things a blessing.  Talking to God, working out what His plan is for us, especially when we don't understand it, is crucial. God can help us see the blessing in everything.  So, pray.  Pray in your car, while you're at work, at bedtime, in the grocery store.  I teach the kids at the church, you can pray anywhere, anytime, anyway you want.  The most important thing is to be in conversation with God. It is life for your soul. 

Hiatus

First, let me say a big thanks to all of you who diligently check in to read my blog even though, well, there hasn't been anything new to read for quite sometime. I appreciate your subtle (and not so subtle) reminders that you are completely bored reading the same 4 posts again and again.  Second, let me explain my little blog-cation.  It is after all, a lesson from Lucy!
In late April, Lucy began regressing a bit in her behavior.  I thought, eh, it's the end of the school year, all kids space out at the end of the school year.  No big deal.  Well, unfortunately the regression continued throughout the summer so I have spent the last couple of months trying to figure out why.    Lucy also developed trichotillomania.  Wow, first dermatomyositis, now trichotillomania - do you think God had a plan when he made me a proficient speller? Trichotillomania is basically obsessive hair twisting or pulling.  Lucy twists her hair until it comes out, so now she has a little bald spot that we cover up every morning with a comb over and pigtails.  She doesn't do it to hurt herself, as a matter of fact, because of her sensory issues, Lucy has an extraordinary threshold for pain.  Anyway, we have been on a little journey over the past few months charting what Lucy eats, what supplements she takes, environmental factors, behavior patterns, etc. Now there is a plan in place, and it seems to have started to make a difference.  All of this charting, researching, reading takes a lot of time.  During this process, I prayed a lot. I wanted to know why this was happening, what to do about it, and what deal I could make with God to make Lucy okay.  Finally, I got to a point of feeling so overwhelmed with life that it was almost unbearable.  Like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff and the slightest change could push me right over the edge.  I know Lucy could sense how I was feeling, and seems to know exactly what I need at all times.  At a particularly low point, she said to me "Mommy,  you're special, God made you that way."  Out of the mouths of babes. How many times have I said how perfect Lucy is exactly the way she is?  I looked back over the past few months.  Searching for the many, many times God was talking to me, and I wasn't listening.  When Lucy began to regress in April, what did I do?  I worked more, because, after all, it was Easter, I had to.  Over the summer, as she got worse, what did I do?  I worked even more, and saw my children less and less each day.  The sitter took them for ice cream, the sitter took them to the pool and helped them learn to swim, the sitter put them to bed at night. But I had to work, right?  After all, there's VBS camp, and Promotion Sunday, and the new special needs ministry to plan, oh and my obligations to other religious organizations to promote lay leaders entering ministry, and on and on and on.  Things I HAD to do, right? I had no choice. It is what it is.  I'm a single parent. It's a tough job. Isn't that right?
Then a few weeks ago, my sitter put in her notice.  My first reaction was to cry.  How would I do this, how would I work and take care of the kids without her help?  Turns out, God had to force me to balance my life.  I didn't listen the first, or second time.  Then, he took my crutch, the sitter.  Okay God, i'm listening, you've got my attention.  I have adjusted my work hours, and still manage to get everything done, I pick my kids up from school, I take them for ice cream, I cook them dinner, and I love it.  We still haven't made it to the pool, but that's okay.  I didn't realize how much I missed them.  Their childhood is fleeting.  I don't want to miss it and I was.  I was on a path that created a very unbalanced life. While it is still a work in progress, a balanced life is a goal within my reach.  There is a time for everything.  I just have to listen to God.  Be aware of where He is guiding me, the path He is creating for me. I must remember that I am special because God made me.  God made me to be Lucy's mother, and he made her to be my daughter.  We belong together and that's pretty special.

What do you remember?

I just returned from a fantastic Children's Ministry Forum in San Antonio, TX, hosted by the General Board of Discipleship.   If you are involved in Children's or Family Ministry in any way, and have not gone to this annual event, you must try to go!  It's really magical.
Over the course of 4 days I got to catch up with old friends and colleagues, meet new people involved in all aspects of family ministry from all over the country (even Alaska!), lead a discussion panel for new Children's Ministers alongside two of my favorite people, Stephanie Dunn from Calvary UMC and Heather Harriss from Belmont UMC (both in Nashville), participate in amazing worship, and last but not least learn some really cool stuff that I can bring home and implement in my own church. What a blessing to be able to attend! The theme for the forum was "Remembering Our Story." The worship at the forum was led by Michael Williams, senior pastor at West End UMC in Nashville.  It never ceases to amaze me how his sermons can make me laugh and cry all in about 20 minutes.  I have to admit that generally, the celebration and worship times at events like this do not excite me.  Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.  I am a very traditional worshipper.  Contemporary services with praise bands and screens for music are really, really out of my comfort zone.  More than one person, i'm sure, has heard me say "When I see a drum kit, I walk the other way."  So, you can imagine what my mindset was going into worship the first day.  However, I knew Michael Williams would be there, so at least I would like that part, right?  The worship began with some music, projected on the screen (here we go, I thought) BUT they were hymns!  We were invited to use our hymnals!  Okay, feeling a little more comfortable now.  Then, the sermon was as fantastic as I expected it to be.  Truly touching.  I was sold, this was really great! Next, the senior pastor at the host church, Coker UMC, Barbara Galloway, presented the Gospel.  All I can say is that it was beautiful.  She remembered a story about a Sunday School teacher she had when she was a child.  Barbara was a  particularly "energetic" child - if you've ever taught Sunday School, you know exactly the kid i'm talking about - there's always one in every class. Instead of scolding Barbara, or separating her from the class, her teacher cupped Barbara's little face in her hands and said "You are becoming exactly who God made you to be." Later on Barbara saw the teacher at her ordination ceremony, the only person she did not recognize until the lady came up to her, cupped Barbara's face in her hands and said "You are becoming exactly who God made you to be."  Perhaps that teacher was the person who helped Barbara feel her call to ministry.  Most of us remember something about a Sunday School teacher in our childhoods. Sunday School teacher or not, adults have such an enormous impact on children in the church .  Each Sunday we see children in worship that are learning how they feel about being in church.  Experiences that will likely shape the formation of their faith forever.  In many ways, their experiences with the adults around them will "make or break" their adult life in the church. This Sunday, try and see yourself through a child's eyes.  Remember what it was like to be a child at church with your family.  In remembering these things, remember not only who you are, but who you can be to another.  Pray that just like the incredible worship and design team at the forum found ways to make traditional and contemporary worshippers comfortable in the same service, we can find ways to help children and adults feel comfortable in the same service.  Reach out to a child, help them look up scripture, give them a bulletin, smile, tell them how happy you are they are in God's house and that you hope they will stay with Him forever. Let them know "They are becoming exactly who God made them to be."

The Power of Prayer

When Lucy was 2 years old, she was diagnosed with Juvenile Dermatomyositis. What, you say? It's certainly a mouthful.  It's also a particularly nasty auto immune disease loosely associated with arthritis, generally treated with years of heavy duty steroids, IVIG (administered much like chemotherapy), and is potentially fatal.  Needless to say, there were some pretty low times in my house when this occurred.  Fear, especially fear of losing a child, is pretty terrible stuff.  I shared Lucy's situation with others so they would pray for her.  I shared just enough to get the prayers started, but not the whole story.  I just couldn't bear talking about it over and over again.  Every time I talked about it, every time I had to explain what this crazy, rare disease was all about, my fear grew.  It grew so much I thought it would consume me.  In many ways it did.  All I could think about was Lucy, and losing her.  I cried more than I have ever cried before, or since.  Uncontrollable, gut wrenching, laid out on the bathroom floor, sobbing.  On a side note, isn't it interesting that most mothers pick the bathroom floor to fall apart?  Maybe it's the only place we get any privacy!  Anyway, I prayed, a lot. And so did hundreds of other people.  Lucy was on every prayer list from here to Georgia to North Carolina and back.  Now, children don't just "recover" from JDM.  There is a regiment of very harsh, very expensive treatment that eventually could, maybe, lessen the symptoms and provide comfort.  Thankfully, we were in the right place for treatment. Moving to Nashville just a year earlier (hmmm, did God place us here on purpose?) we were right down the street from one of the finest pediatric rheumatology  departments in the country.  And, we were seeing the head honcho, the doctor who started the department many years before.  Lucy was poked, prodded, tested, you name it.  It was awful for everyone. Six years later, she still gets nervous when we drive by the children's hospital.  The prognosis was that she would be treated for the rest of her life, and we'd "see what happened."  The reality is that she was treated minimally (IVIG, but no steroids! ) for 6 months when we went back for a check-up and lo and behold, the dermatomyositis was gone!  Our doctor said "I don't like to use this word with my patients, but this was nothing short of a miracle." He had never, in all his years of treating this disease, ever seen a child not only go into remission so quickly, but it was if the disease never existed in her little body.  How could this happen?  Other doctors wanted to know.  What did we do?  Prayer.  I truly believe that the power of prayer is the answer.  There's just no other explanation.  Lucy had an army of people praying for her, every day, without fail.  Our prayers were answered.  Well, sort of.  God didn't give me a perfectly healthy child.  He didn't make it all go away. He didn't give me the perfectly normal family I prayed for.  He gave me something even better.  Something I never would have thought to pray for. When the JDM was in remission, now it was time to address why Lucy wasn't walking, and why she had not uttered a word at 2 years old.  Things that had been moved to the back burner when her sheer existence was in question. The culprit, autism. Which has actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
 A songwriter once wrote "One of God's greatest gifts, is unanswered prayers." I'm glad I didn't get exactly what I prayed for.  God knew better than I what my life needed.  One of those nights, on the bathroom floor, I was called to ministry. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, I can pinpoint the moment it happened.  I remember the feeling of such peace, knowing God was with me, and that everything would be okay.  An unshakable certainty that Lucy would be okay, that our family would be okay.  Years later, that feeling led me to a call to want to help others know the same.  One of God's coincidences after another and here I am, a Children's Minister, able to do just that.  My family is not the "perfectly normal" family I prayed for.  It's a fabulously flawed, single parent, special needs child, raucous preschooler, fly by the seat of our pants, kind of family.  The perfect "un"answer to my prayers.

Humble Pie

One of my favorite stories to tell in the last few weeks is one of a big ol' piece of humble pie being served up by my daughter, Lucy.
We were in the kitchen; Lucy, her brother Spencer (3), and I.  Spencer had just gotten a foam dart gun as a gift.  I told him that it was fine for him to play with it inside, just don't shoot at people, which totally planted that seed by the way. Anyway, he pretty much immediately shot Lucy and as I was reprimanding him, he spit at me.  Let me just say, I don't lose it for many reasons, but spitting is an offense that will send me off my rocker.  Now picture me, the mother, yelling (really yelling) at Spencer, the 3 year old, about how disrespectful it is to spit, and on and on and on.  Enter Lucy, 8, "Um, Mommy" Me: "One moment please", Lucy: "Mommy" Me: "For heaven's sake, what is it Lucy?"
Lucy:  "Mommy, self-control is not letting anger take over your soul."  Silence.
 At that moment I felt like a complete jerk.  Yes, I was mad.  Yes, he was wrong. But I lost self-control and that's no good.  It's a fruit of the spirit for goodness sake.  I'm a children's minister.  If anyone should have self-control it's me, right?
As I thought about this for the next few days, I looked at all the ways I needed to check myself in the self-control department. Boy, there were a lot. But honestly, I think with parenting, you're not normal if you don't lose it every now and again.  All parents do, and it's okay. It happens. It gives us opportunities to talk with our kids about losing control, and what to do about it.  Apologizing has never been an easy thing for me.  Unless its to my children.  What Spencer did was pretty bad, but screaming at him wasn't the answer.  So, I apologized to him and we had a much more effective conversation about behavior, spitting included.
 I believe that one of the most important lessons we can teach children is that we were created with flaws.  We all mess up, we all lose control sometimes.  It's what we do about it that matters. How do we embody the "fruits of the spirit?" John Wesley says that "the fruits of the spirit are best demonstrated in the quality of our relationships, not how often we are consciously aware of feeling them."  Trying to live with love, joy, peace, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and last but not least - self-control, the best we can, that's all we can do.  And that's okay.

Here we go!

Most days I find myself sharing stories on Facebook or with co-workers (um, yes, they are probably tired of it, but they’re a good crew, they indulge me!) about something my daughter Lucy has done or said that just really struck me. Sometimes she’s funny, sometimes very profound. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, and realized what an ENORMOUS impact she has had on my life, and the lives of many others. Yes, I know all children do that, but this is different. Lucy is like some kind of angel on Earth. She is so tuned in to people’s needs and emotions that it’s actually kind of scary sometimes. She teaches me so much about life, I can’t imagine the person I would be without her. So, I decided to blog about it. Those who know me are probably laid out in the floor laughing right about now because I can barely check my email, but this is important. I needed to do this. So without further ado, here we go – Lessons from Lucy – a place to read about things that I think are relevant to being a Children’s Minister, and a single parent of a preschooler and special needs child. Oh, plus I used to be a restauranteur, so there will be food talk as well! I’ll post stories of inspirations and challenges, ideas to deal with said issues, and the outcome of it all. Please read along, steal ideas, add some of your own, and learn and laugh with me on this crazy journey called life. Cheers!